Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
