Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
