Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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