Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
how drunk are you?
Several
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
