haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
only you would photoshop your dick
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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