Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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