I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
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