I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
