to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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