clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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