is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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