I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
