if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was born a porn star she said
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
