please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
