Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
