Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just found a bag of teeth...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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