Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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