it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
