i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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