Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
