ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
