My cat gives me a boner
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
