I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
