i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
