i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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