No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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