Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
