Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
