i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
