everyone is single if you try hard enough
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
