lets start a swedish sibling band together
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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