Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
