So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
