party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
