So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
