and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
His nipple licking is glorious
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