Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
