So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
