last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
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230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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