it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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