this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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