i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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