I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
