People in love make me want to vomit
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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