there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
