I want you more than these girls want KFC
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
