I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
