Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
