i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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