My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
