you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
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she pinky promised me she was 18
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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