I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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