happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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