When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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