I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
