and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.