One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later