turn off your phone and go to bed
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything