Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on