so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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