she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
