I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm too high and old for this...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
