some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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