It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There r osticjed everywhere
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
