I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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