I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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