I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
