shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
