I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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