worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
