Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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