I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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