I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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