Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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