woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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