We're like a lot better than the average bears
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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