if only i could text you this smell
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
