that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
