oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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