i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
