When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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