chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
