I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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