So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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