A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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