Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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